Caddoran Page 35

  ‘Odd way to go about things,’ Adren remarked, almost sneering. ‘Teaching people to fight to keep order on the streets.’

  ‘You think so?’ Endryk’s manner was challenging. ‘Well, until our trouble came, there was never rioting on the streets. No need for the Cry, still less the Death Cry. No half-witted government oblivious to those who trust it with their authority, and no need for Wardens to maintain order by a mixture of force and corruption.’

  Adren went pale and anger drew her face tight in response to this unexpected passion. She was about to retort when Hyrald laid a restraining hand on her arm. Endryk pressed on. He slapped a hand on his chest.

  ‘The fact is that we’re dangerous and wildly erratic creatures. All of us. More than any other animal you’ll ever meet. And only if you find the violence within yourself and accept it will you stand any chance of controlling it. Deny it, ignore it, and one day, if circumstances let it loose, it’ll control you instead of you it, and you’ll be lost. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen that in others, or felt it in yourself, Warden.’

  Hyrald’s restraining hand tightened. ‘We understand, Endryk,’ he said quietly but earnestly. ‘More so than ever, these past weeks. Just go gently.’

  Endryk held his gaze for a moment, then his face softened and a look of regret passed over it. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s just… I don’t know. Perhaps I’m more frightened about what’s happening than I’m prepared to admit.’ He took Adren’s hand briefly. She glowered at him. Then, rather self-consciously, he turned back to Thyrn. ‘I apologize to you, too. It was a fair request. I don’t know how I can help, but let’s talk about it, if you still want to.’

  ‘It’s not a matter of wanting,’ Thyrn said, apparently unaffected by what had just passed. ‘It’s a need.’ He looked at the others then glanced at the distant peak he had designated as their destination. ‘Can we move on?’

  His request was accepted with some relief and a small flurry of activity helped to ease the tension pervading the group. The horses well rested, they decided to ride for a while.

  ‘Tell me what you want, what you need, as clearly as you can,’ Endryk said to Thyrn, when they were under way.

  Thyrn’s face darkened. ‘I don’t really know. All the things you’ve shown me have been great fun. I’ve enjoyed it, like a game – though I see the value of it,’ he added hastily. ‘And even though I can’t envisage being able to stab someone, or shoot an arrow through them, I still feel easier in myself knowing it’s an option I have. But this is different. This thing that I felt drawing Vashnar last night, seems to have woken something inside me. Thinking about fighting Vashnar, man to man, makes me tremble.’ He gave Endryk a significant look. ‘I know – you’d say to avoid a fight whenever possible. But, as I said before, this feeling inside me is reaching out to oppose this thing. It’s telling me that running away isn’t an option for me. I don’t understand what it is or what it wants me to do.’

  ‘And I’m no wiser than I was a few moments ago,’ Endryk replied. ‘Understanding other people is hard enough at the best of times. As for understanding the peculiar insights of a Caddoran – where would I start?’

  Thyrn nodded and they rode on in silence.

  ‘Are you sure this isn’t just imagination – or a misinterpretation of what you’re experiencing?’ Endryk asked after a while.

  ‘As sure as I can be.’ Thyrn looked distressed. ‘I’ve been thinking hard about what’s happened the last two days. What occurred between me and Vashnar was strange enough, but perhaps understandable in some way. Maybe my extreme sensitivity and Vashnar’s part Caddoran nature came together… brought our minds too close.’ He pointed towards the distant mountain. ‘But this is different. I can’t help feeling that it was our coming together that woke this thing. Stirred something into life that was long dead.’ He blew out a noisy breath. ‘I can’t begin to tell you how awful it is, or how Vashnar’s darker nature is being drawn to it.’

  Endryk looked at him sharply. ‘You can’t take responsibility for the actions of another. Whatever Vashnar does is his to account for.’

  Thyrn stopped him. ‘But I’m responsible for the circumstances that led him to these actions.’

  ‘No, no, no. Absolutely not.’ Endryk looked around for help. ‘Tell him, Nordath, Hyrald. He can’t…’

  But Thyrn addressed them all, cutting across him. ‘You’re all older and cleverer than me at this kind of thing. Maybe I am responsible, maybe I’m not. But the fact is, I feel responsible and I’ve learned enough from you since all this started to know that I can’t walk away from it; I have to face it. I’m the only one who can.’ He looked round at them all. ‘What I want is your help – your advice.’ He turned to Endryk. ‘You’ve faced things that nearly drove you mad. Tell me what it’s like. Tell me what I have to do to win.’

  Chapter 24

  Thyrn’s plea was greeted by a difficult silence. The effect on Endryk was almost palpable and Nordath and the Wardens watched him uncomfortably, torn between the raw pain in Thyrn’s voice and the brutality of what he was asking.

  Eventually, Endryk reined his horse to a halt. For a moment he looked as if he were about to turn around and ride away.

  ‘I don’t know what to tell you,’ he said. ‘I can teach you how to survive out here, how to fight, perhaps how to be like you think I am, if that’s what you want. But that won’t make you either a survivor or a fighter. That comes from somewhere else in the end. I can’t take you back to what I went through, even if I wanted to – which I don’t.’

  ‘I need your help,’ Thyrn said simply.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve any more to offer than I already have,’ Endryk replied.

  Reluctantly, Hyrald intervened. ‘You’re the only person who has.’

  Endryk straightened up and looked along the valley. The others followed his gaze. As they did so, a solitary shaft of sunlight made its way through the clouds to fall on the lake. It gave it a brilliance and vividness that made all else around them seem unreal.

  ‘If you’re asking yourself why you came with us, I think this might be one of your answers,’ Adren said, quietly bringing her horse alongside him.

  The clouds moved to extinguish the shaft of light, turning the sun back into a pallid disc and restoring the valley.

  Endryk looked at her enigmatically, then gave a prosaic sniff and clicked his horse forward. He made a final faint attempt to avoid the burden that Thyrn was asking him to carry.

  ‘I was surrounded by trusted friends…’

  ‘So am I.’

  ‘I had skills born out of years of training…’

  ‘So have I – where I must fight.’

  Endryk yielded. He gave Thyrn a look which Hyrald recognized. It was that of a Commander about to lie to an eager novice who has just volunteered for a dangerous task – a task he might well succeed in if unclouded by the greater wisdom of his superior. The look was full of confidence and trust, immediately behind which lay agonizing doubts and prayers to whatever forces its giver believed shaped the lives of men. As for the lies, they were necessary if those very doubts were not going to infect their recipient and bring about the doom they feared.

  ‘I can’t make you into a weapons master overnight. The essence of almost everything you need to know in that regard, I’ve already shown you. What you know, you know better than you think and it will work for you when you need it.’ He began to speak with more assurance. ‘I’ve told you before, not to be afraid of being afraid. It’s your greatest protection – the inner knowledge of your deepest self and that of generations long gone. When I think back to fighting in the line, much of it is vague, with only occasional, terrible images left now. But though the details have… slipped away, I do remember that everything was vivid and simple.’ He became pensive. ‘There was only the moment and its single solitary task – infinitely clear and focused, each fraction of time the totality of everything I’d ever been. Yet too, there was a deep awareness o
f everything else that was happening around me.’

  Endryk gave a fatalistic shrug. ‘I did what I did because I was there… and because I could. True, we’d sought the battle, but we hadn’t sought the war, and now there was no choice. No acceptable choice. To yield would mean not only my death, but would bring others down with me. An endless wave of crumbling destruction would ripple out from me, spreading through my immediate companions and thence across the battlefield and far beyond – right down into the heart of my homeland and everything I loved and valued.’

  He shook his head reflectively and drew the others into his conversation. ‘And if that had happened, you’d all be far wiser about the lands to the north of here than you are now, believe me. Far wiser. And your present problems would be as nothing.’ He turned back to Thyrn. ‘It was as though, like you, something had awakened in me. All of us have resources we can’t begin to imagine – you touched on part of that last night. Be grateful for it. Be glad it’s there. And know that it’ll come to your aid when you need it.’

  He was silent for a while, his eyes fixed on the distant peak. ‘If this enemy you’re set on facing is a Caddoran thing, I can’t begin to tell you how to deal with it. Besides, you don’t need my help. But I do know that winning and losing will be for the most part in your mind. It will hinge on how much you value yourself.’ He leaned over and gripped Thyrn’s arm powerfully. ‘And youmust value yourself! Value yourself as we value you. I consider myself better for having met you. Maybe, like me and my former comrades you’ll have to fight just because of where you find yourself. I can’t imagine you’ll have sought a conflict or done anything to warrant an attack against you, but if such a thing happens, remember that, above all, you have the right to be, and no mercy is due to anyone who’d deny you that.No mercy. Not until they offer you no further threat. Do you understand what I’m telling you?’

  ‘I think so,’ Thyrn said. He kept his eyes on Endryk’s face, searching. ‘But what if circumstances are such that I do start the conflict?’

  Endryk released him and met his gaze clearly. ‘If that is necessary, then it’s necessary. And nothing I’ve just said is changed. But don’t burden yourself with such a prospect. I know enough about you to believe you’ll do no foolish thing, still less an evil one. I’ve no doubts about that whatsoever. Whatever you do it will only be to prevent a greater harm, Thyrn. You can trust your judgement.’ He turned away. ‘That’s all the help I can give you.’

  * * * *

  Vellain was nibbling at her thumbnail. Not actually biting it, just clattering her teeth off the edge of it. It was something she had not done since she was a child but she caught herself doing it several times as the coach and its escort clattered south from Degelvak. Finding herself victim of this childhood habit added a frisson of vicious anger to the deep concern which was racking her and she smacked her clenched fist against the coach’s lavish upholstery.

  Vashnar had been ablaze with frantic, driving energy when he awoke.

  ‘I’ve been blind, Vellain,’ he told her afterwards. ‘Blind. All these years. Confining my ambitions. Restricting myself. Hedging myself in.’

  It had taken her some time to quieten him down sufficiently to get him to divulge the source of this revelation. It had come as a shock.

  ‘Was it a dream?’ she had suggested hesitantly, despite anticipating his well-known response.

  ‘I don’t dream. Never have.’

  He had faced her. ‘Trust me. As you always have. What happened was just as real as my encounters with Thyrn. More so, perhaps.’

  ‘I do, I do,’ she forced herself to say enthusiastically. ‘But it’s such a strange tale. A hooded figure – a grey hall – voices – different worlds.’

  ‘I felt the power, Vellain! Just as I felt it in Nesdiryn when I met Hagen. Only much more so. It was tangible this time; it struck me – held me.’ He brought his ring close to his face. ‘Hagen gave me this, do you remember? He looked at me – through me – I’ve never met anyone like him. He said I was one of them. Now I understand what he meant. And what a true gift this thing is.’

  Before she could question him, he was pacing the bedroom.

  His moving bulk and its attendant, storming shadows ploughed through the soft lamplight, filling the room, like a manifestation of the very power he was talking about.

  ‘Destiny, Vellain. That’s what it is. It’s not something I’d have given a moment’s credence to before, but I can see it now. Why me? I’ve asked. Why should Thyrn reach into me, to disturb all our carefully laid plans with his grotesque talent? But just as people are drawn to a crowd, just as money is drawn to money as Darransen’s always saying, just as rivers are drawn to the sea, so the same law works at many different levels. The reason’s unknowable, but the reality’s beyond debate; it just needs to be seen and seized. I couldn’t have avoided this if I’d wished to. Destiny has moved these things to me inexorably – Hagen, the ring, Thyrn, Hyrald and the others, Aghrid’s failure – all conjoined to bring me to this wakening. This revelation of the power that lies within the borders of Arvenstaat and is there for my taking so that these selfsame borders can be swept aside.’

  Her own mood swinging between fearful doubt and breath-catching exhilaration at her husband’s passion, Vellain had not been able to speak. Vashnar stopped pacing.

  ‘It’s there. Faint and distant, but as clear as someone talking to me.’ He sat on the bed beside her, his great arm encircling her. ‘No, I’m not going mad. I’m just seeing a pattern in events that I can’t explain to you. But it’s inside me.’ He placed his hand on his chest. ‘I must follow the call that they’ve left me. I must find this place. It’s in the mountains.’ He stood up and began pacing again. ‘Thyrn will be drawn there, too. They told me this, but I can feel it anyway. Just as part of him has been lingering within me, so I can feel it being drawn by the same lure. And when he arrives, I’ll be waiting, and…’ He drew his finger across his throat.

  Then he had charged into a flurry of planning and organizing. It had taken Vellain’s every effort to prevent him from rousing their host immediately and announcing his new intentions then and there, in the middle of the night.

  She had prevailed, in the end pinioning him with a fervent embrace. ‘You might be bursting with energy, but everyone else in this place – including most of the Tervaidin – is either exhausted or drunk or both. They’ll certainly not be fit for anything. If all this has been such a time coming, it’ll be there in the morning, won’t it? And there’ll be more if you’ve rested for a while – you know that. You know your best plans come to you silently when you’re asleep.’ She tightened the embrace and lowered her voice. ‘Besides, if you’re dashing off into the mountains and dispatching me to attend to affairs at home, it’ll be some time before we’re… together again, won’t it?’

  Neither of them had slept well, though, and their parting had been clumsy and awkward, something that, like the nail biting, added anger to her doubts. For doubts she had had in the colder light of morning and the mundane routines of waking and breakfasting. After they had eaten, Vashnar had curtly dismissed all the servants and, with only marginal politeness, three other guests. ‘The moment has come,’ he told his startled host. ‘Prepare your men. They must be ready to act as soon as you receive my final command, which will be within a few days.’

  The man’s knees had seemed to be troubling him as he stood up, pushing his chair back noisily, but Vashnar’s firm hand on his shoulder had steadied him. ‘You know what to do. I have complete faith in you.’

  The man had saluted and almost shouted, ‘To the New Order.’

  Vellain did not share all Vashnar’s faith in these provincial followers and this performance only served to heighten her concern. It was her doubts about them that had marred their parting. They had stopped at a crossroads some way outside Degelvak.

  ‘You’re absolutely certain of all this?’ she had whispered to him as he was about to step out of the coach.
>
  ‘Yes, of course,’ Vashnar replied, tapping his foot anxiously. ‘I can see now that everything we’ve done has just been a preparation for greater things. This is the moment. We mustn’t delay. If we miss it, it may be gone for ever.’

  She had not been able to keep her doubts from her face. ‘But some of your supporters,’ she gesticulated vaguely back towards Degelvak, ‘leave a lot to be desired.’

  Vashnar’s foot-tapping moved to his hand, resting on the handle of the coach door. ‘I have their measure – all of them. They’re trusted and capable. Don’t speak like this in front of anyone else.’

  ‘You know I…’

  But he was through the door before she could finish her protest, and their parting consisted of a cursory nod on Vashnar’s part followed by a sharp order to the coachman to move on quickly. Vellain had to steady herself as the coach jolted forward, but she kept her eyes on her husband as he strode away, signalling to Aghrid for his horse. He did not look back. This small neglect cut through her and a tangle of anger rose up inside her briefly. In its wake came a dark, visceral fear. She quelled both to some degree with excuses involving his preoccupation with urgent needs – having to plan quickly – move quickly. But the fear in particular would not wholly leave her. There was also an odd, even incongruous, sense of disappointment. Such a parting should have been more heroic.

  She looked at the sealed orders which Vashnar had prepared and which he had told her to deliver on her journey back to Arvenshelm. He was so confident that he could deal with Thyrn, acquire this strange power that had been offered him, and be back in Arvenshelm in time to take the reins that he had told her to gather for him. But though still powered by the force of her husband’s sudden resolution, the haste with which events were moving kept her doubts swirling. She chose not to dwell too much on the hooded figure he claimed to have encountered. In that she would have to trust him absolutely. But if he was late, what then? All could well be lost without his presence to sway any waverers. Yet if she delayed and he arrived ready to sweep to power, that could be even worse.